The golf magazines are going nuts right now, digging in their archives of brilliant Dustin Johnson and Paulina Gretzky photos. You see, DJ won this past weekend and that’s all the excuse the struggling golf magazines need to post link bait, also known as T&A.
Many Hooked On Golf Blog patrons know I’m an aspiring photographer and I think it would be totally bichin if I got a job working for Golf.com or Golf Digest or some golf media outlet. So below I’m submitting a few photos from my portfolio. Since I know they love to post any kind of Paulia photo, even with random animals and stuff like that, I found some of my best material.
Let me know when I start the new photo job okay?
DJ and Paulina Gretzky and a giant pig humping a barrel
Paulina Gretzky and DJ and a dumpster
DJ and Paulina and some old junk appliances
Dustin Johnson and Paulina Gretzky and a pile of tires
DJ and Paulina and a greasy transmission
So what do you think? These would fit right in with Golf.com and Golf Digest’s Paulia photos…
Yesterday I predicted that Golf.com would use Dustin Johnson’s victory at Doral this past weekend as an excuse to post Paulina Gretzky photos. Like clockwork the photo galleries are popping up. Golf journalism at its best!
For my next unbelievable feat, the oracle will predict the sun rising in the east.
Now I’m positive that Golf.com has lost its mind. This was in my Facebook “stream” today. What the *&*%*^* does this photo have to do with anything?
Paulina Gretzky and Dustin Johnson and an elephant? WTF?!?!?!?
I can see the production meeting at Golf.com unfolding:
Editor: “People, Dustin Johnson won this weekend. We need Paulina Gretzky photos!”
Intern: “How about the elephant one?”
Editor: “Brilliant”
I’ve not commented about the latest strange happenings in the golf world as of yet. I’m sort of sitting on my proverbial couch, eating proverbial popcorn, and watching the freakshow unfold.
Toothless Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods: Tough and Ruthless or Rough and Toothless?
First off we have the toothless Tiger Woods. Apparently he was in Italy to watch his girlfriend Lindsey Vonn compete in a ski race. In the hustle to get positioning, a camera man knocked out Tiger’s front tooth, the discolored one. Tiger is no fan of the media at all. I can imagine there was a nice, pleasant discussion following said de-toothing.
For the record by the way, the discolored tooth Tiger had was not as a result of his ex wife Elin Nordegren knocking it out on that crazy Thanksgiving night. The tooth was discolored for years before that. Many uninformed news outlets and golf social networks have claimed that the discolored tooth was because of Elin, but it is not. Get your facts straight.
Tiger is playing in Phoenix at the Phoenix Open next week, a tournament he said he would not play in again. It will be interesting to see if he has had the tooth fixed by then, and if the media will have the balls to inquire about what happened. Maybe he’s waiting for Obamacare to kick in.
Robert Allenby’s story gets more and more strange
Robert Allenby Kidnapping
At the Sony Open Robert Allenby missed the cut. That would be the best thing to happen to him that weekend. News came out that he had been kidnapped, robbed, beaten, put in the trunk of a car, and dumped in a park six miles from the wine bar he had been patronizing. Over the last week the story has gotten more and more fishy, and eyewitnesses are coming forward with different stories. The latest stories are saying he was drunk and fell on his face, on a rock. One story even includes a strip club, not a wine bar.
Odd things which stand out to me: Allenby did not contact the police immediately after the kidnapping. Also, he’s never appeared with any bandages. Seems strange.
I’d better pop more popcorn for this one.
Dustin Johnson and Paulina Gretzky
DJ and Paulina Gretzky are now parents. Dustin is gearing up for a return to golf, and denies any rumors of cocaine use.
My question is, will Paulina be breast feeding? Golf Digest could get some even bigger boob photos for their next “fitness” article if so!
Is this photo about golf or Paulina Gretzky’s boobs? You be the judge.
More popcorn please, with butter.
Ah what a time of year. Black Friday, Thanksgiving, Christmas on the horizon… Golf season has concluded, except for those who live in warmer climates than I do. The best part of this time of year though, is that I get to put together my annual Hooked On Golf Blog Turkey of the Year awards. The Turkey of the Year awards recognizes the biggest boneheads in golf for the past year. Previous winners include John Daly for, well, being John Daly. Sergio Garcia for spitting in the cup and then denying doing it despite watching it on video, Tiger Woods for, you know…
This year was a little bit of a slower year for boneheads and blunders. Nothing huge. Not too many scandals. I thought of even awarding myself a TOY award for making two doubles and a triple in the city amateur, and still taking 2nd place a mere three shots behind the winner…
Enough pillow talk. Let’s get down and dirty. Here are the 2014 golf Turkeys of the Year, and a little ranting to go along with them!
Drum roll… the envelope please…
Dustin Johnson
Talk about “blowing” the season. Dustin Johnson took a self imposed leave of absence from the PGA Tour to work on “personal issues” which he did not care to discuss. The rest of the golf world knew what was up. It would seem that DJ had to take the leave because of failing drug tests, one allegedly for pot and two others for cocaine.
Along with the drug issues, many stories floated around about DJ having affairs with more than one wife of fellow PGA Tour members. Not sure when those alleged affairs took place, but it would be puzzling to think that this may have happened while he was with Paulina Gretzky. Despite having plenty of gourmet food, it is tough to resist an all-you-can-eat buffet.
To cap it all off, Dustin Johnson and Paulia Gretzky announced that she was pregnant.
Johnson was in very good position with regards to FeEx Cup points, and playing well. He had a very good shot at the $10,000,000 first prize. Had. For “blowing” that opportunity, DJ earns a Turkey of the Year award.
PGA Tour
Many theorized the Tour gave DJ an ultimatum, take a leave of absence or be kicked off the tour for six months. The PGA Tour would not discuss Dustin Johnson’s situation to confirm or deny that. But when media outlets started postulating what was going on, the Tour then decided to clarify what they were not going to discuss. For that, the PGA Tour gets a Turkey Award.
Hack Golf
15 inch golf holes and other changes to the core of the game were ideas from the newly formed organization “Hack Golf.” Hack Golf was a child of now former CEO of TaylorMade, Mark King. Hack Golf’s goal seemed to be an honorable one, “grow the game.” The reality was they knew their driver sales were dropping faster than a tour groupie drops her panties. Hack Golf was a bad attempt at bastardizing a great game with the hopes that it would grow their bottom line, not the game itself.
Greg Norman
Speaking of hacking, Greg Norman nearly hacked his arm off with a chainsaw. There are many interesting angles to this story. First Greg tweeted seconds before about doing the job himself and showed a picture of himself with the chainsaw. The next photo was him n the hospital.
The real reason he tried to hack his arm off? He had lunch AND dinner with me the day before. Apparently nothing tops meeting me. Nothing more in life to accomplish. Not worth living at that point. I’m glad that Greg made a full recovery.
Foot Golf
Along the “grow the game” line of things is another boneheaded idea which earns a Turkey of the Year: Foot Golf. Foot Golf is played on a golf course with large holes and soccer balls. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Foot Golf does not grow golf. Courses who introduce Foot Golf will lose their golf patrons. Footgolf produces no equipment sales, no lesson revenue, no range revenue.
Equipment Release Cycles
2014 may go down as the year golfers finally rebelled against TaylorMade and Callaway and their ridiculous equipment release cycles. Each company has released NINETEEN drivers since 2010! NINETEEN. 19. I find it amazing too that the marketing campaign for each driver always seems to guarantee gaining more yards. If that’s the case why am I not hitting my drives 500 yards now? WTF? False advertising!!
TaylorMade’s sales tanked in 2014. Golfers stopped believing the hype and realized that all the knobs, sliders, weights, and other “technology” wasn’t giving them more yardage or lowering their scores. It was only lowering their bank account.
For causing more damage than good to the golf industry through overzealous product release cycles, the likes of TaylorMade, Callaway, Nike and Cobra all get Turkey of the Year awards.
Tiger Woods
2014 was statistically the worst year Tiger Woods has ever had as a professional golfer. Tiger’s best finish in calendar year 2014 was the WGC Cadillac Championship, a non-cut event where he tied for 25th. In the other six starts for 2014 he was cut twice, withdrew twice, placed 69th at the Open Championship and tied for 80th place at the Farmers Insurance Open.
Total winnings on Tour for 2014 was barely over $108,000, probably not enough to keep the private jet or yacht fueled for a week.
At the end of the season Tiger announced the change of swing coaches to unknown Chris Como. I can’t wait for another year of watching his swing change and hearing him say “its a process.” What will be even worse is how the media will lap it up like a starving cat lapping up a cup of milk.
USA Ryder Cup Team
A Turkey of the Year leg goes to the USA Ryder Cup team. Every RC it amazes me that a team with so much individual talent can manage to lose so dramatically. But that’s the point, they’re all individuals who are not used to, or interested in playing as a team. They’re all independent contractors.
For getting their asses kicked in the 2014 Ryder Cup, then throwing captain Tom Watson under the bus after the loss, the USA Ryder Cup Team wins a Turkey of the Year award.
Ryder Cup Task Force
A big bonehead of the year goes to the “Ryder Cup Task Force.” The whole idea is really dumb. No task force is needed. Here’s the what the USA Team has to do to win the Ryder Cup, and I’m giving this advice away free:
PLAY BETTER.
Ted Bishop -Former President of the PGA of America
While I can’t say I disagree with Ted Bishop’s assessment of Ian Poulter and his sniveling about Nick Faldo in Poulter’s autobiography, it was not something the PGA of America president should have said. Still, hats off to him for saying it. Unfortunately we do not live in a world where one can be that candid anymore, without offending someone.
His comments? “Really? Sounds like a little school girl squealing during recess. C’MON MAN!” I’m surprised this was thought of as offensive and sexist against girls. I would have thought that little girls would have been more offended being compared to Ian Poulter.
Trash9Network
Back9Network
I must admit, I need a barf bag at the ready whenever I see anything produced by the Back9Network. Their attempt at mixing lifestyle with golf is off-the-charts-bad. Obviously in desperation the “network” has dumbed down to simply posting pictures of slutty, scantily clad women who don’t necessarily have anything whatsoever to do with golf. Some of their “articles” are twitter and instagram streams of Amanda Dufner. I swear if Amanda Dufner left the limelight B9N might have to close permanently.
I’m especially not fond of their series, “The Caddy Girls.” This is where they post a picture of some slut in a bunker or bending over a on a golf cart. Nice job. You can’t even spell “caddie” correctly you morons.
I prefer the name “Trash9Network.”
Is this photo about golf or Paulina Gretzky’s boobs? You be the judge.
Golf.com, Golf Digest, Sexist Photo Galleries
Speaking of scantily clad women, sluts, and bad golf journalism, I’m very disappointed to see the direction that Golf.com and Golf Digest are heading. They’ve dumbed down to Back9Network levels by posting slutty pictures of Paulina Gretzky, Amanda Dufner, “Hot tour wives” or whatever they call them.
Oh, but this is about “fitness” isn’t it? No. To be candid, it is about tits and ass and the traffic they generate.
Um, where’s the golf journalism? I’ll tell you where… It is gone. These slutty pictures are simple link-bait so they can report to their advertisers that they have X number of hits and page-views per month. Posting Natalie Gulbis’s nude body paint photos or Paulina Gretzky in a G-String generates traffic; much more than the millionth “fix your slice” article.
Just stop.
Doesn’t it seem hypocritical that the golf media went nuts over Ted Bishop’s little girl comment about Poulter, calling that sexist? In the meantime they’re posting the latest slutty photos of some “model” or hot tour wife?
Conclusion
There are a lot of boneheads and turkeys for 2014. Nothing stands out to me as a clear winner above the rest. They’re all bad. I lean toward the hypocrisy and sexist ways golf “journalism” has gone. Am I against looking at pictures of hot women? Hell no. But not under the guise of golf journalism. Are you a soft porn site or golf site?
Thursday June 12
ESPN 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM
NBC 3:00 PM – 5:00 PM
ESPN2 5:00 PM – 6:00 PM
Friday June 13
ESPN 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM
NBC 3:00 PM – 5:00 PM
ESPN2 5:00 PM – 7:00 PM
Saturday June 14
NBC 12:00 PM – 7:30 PM
Sunday June 15
NBC 12:00 PM – 7:30 PM
All times eastern.
DirecTV
DIRECTV’s HD Mix Channel (701) will offer four views of the tournament: the network (ESPN/NBC) feed (702), Featured Group 1 (703), Featured Group 2 (704) and a Featured Hole (705). Each bonus channel can be tuned full-screen at the touch of a button and will have a team of announcers. The Mix will also be available during all weekend coverage of the tournament on the HD Sports Mix (205 and 600). While viewing any channel, viewers will also have access to an interactive menu of features through the red color key on the remote. They include: Player Scorecard with key bio info, player headshots, scores and stats, add a player to a favorites list; and Pairings and Tee Times, all the groups and tee times for the current round.
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